Why Do You Want That ‘Ex’ Back?

Recently asked question:

i have been applying the secret for months now and sometimes i have those down days especially with my situation. you see, i have the same class and same apartment with my ex boyfriend. any suggestions how to let go of these bad feelings? cause its really hurting my alignment…

and ummmm. i have a question. you see, the reason we broke up is not because he cheated or anything. the main reason we broke is because after 4 years of being together, he said this, “I realize that i dont see you as someone i would want to spend the rest of my life with.” that’s what he said. and up until now. he’s not settling on other girls. i let go of him just as i heard i should but do you have any other specific “the secret” techniques that i could use to probably attract him once again? thanks..

First thing I noticed in your post above is where you claim the bad feelings evoked by seeing the ex – in class and in the apartment – are hurting your alignment.

I just want to point out to you that NOTHING ‘hurts’ your alignment. Yes, the fact that you’re responding to what you see outside of yourself by feeling bad is throwing off your alignment with feeling good… and that’s simply valuable information to have if you’re truly interested in doing the work of BEING IN ALIGNMENT WITH FEELING GOOD. Yet nothing and no one is ‘hurt’ by this fact.

You might think I’m just being ‘picky’ here… yet I’ve learned that by watching how I talk, the words I use to describe things, I can uncover some beliefs and ideas I’ve been holding that are getting between me and all my good stuff. You see, by your description “its really hurting my alignment…” you’ve revealed to yourself that you hold a belief that your alignment can somehow be damaged. But alignment just is what it is… you’re either in line with your desire to feel good… or you’re off. If you’re off… how far off? And what steps do you take to get back into alignment?

Which brings up my question to you… are you thinking you need to attract something outside of yourself, like this one particular man, a man who has clearly stated to you that he doesn’t feel you’re his match for life partner, out of all the billions of men on this planet, in order for you to be in alignment with feeling good??!?

Understand… how you feel is up to you. And real mastery comes when you make a commitment to feeling good no matter what you observe outside of yourself. Decide to feel good… then do your best to keep your focus on things, experiences, and all aspects of life that support your good feeling. Just take baby steps consistently, that move you in the direction of feeling better, and better, and better… if something shows up in your experience that you find hard to appreciate, let it go by turning your thoughts toward something that is easier to appreciate. This is how you exercise your appreciation ‘muscle’. And that is one of the quickest routes to mastering a steady alignment with feeling good. And all the stuff (including relationships and experiences) that you desire most are up there in the vibrational range of ‘feeling good’. If you want to access that stuff… you’ve got to match the vibration where it lives!

5 thoughts on “Why Do You Want That ‘Ex’ Back?

  1. Thanks for your wonderful response, Debbie! I know when we really start to embrace the fact that love comes from within and is expanded from what YOU feel… the more freedom and fun we have too! :)

  2. I really enjoyed this Mary. Your answer really made me FEEL good. It also brings up things in my awareness. Alignment just is or is not. I especially love the reference to “outside yourself.” I am becoming more of who I am by knowing this. I have my “off” days but the books I am reading and spiritual practices makes me more aware of this. Thanks so much.

  3. Thank you Marie! The more I do the work, the more a I’ve come to realize how much I’ve trained myself to respond to things ‘outside myself’. As I get better at going within to find ‘truth’… it becomes more clear that going within is the only way to find the truth that’s ME!

    And of course we all have our ‘off’ days… yet the game becomes even more fun as I recognize the contrast and use it as a tool to feel my way to the truth. :)

  4. Hey Mary,

    That answer can really change for ones self when you examine your true intentions…. and, as you pointed out, making a commitment to yourself and see yourself from within and not worrying about what the outside worlds thinks or wants.

    you have given me a new perspective outlook on this… instead of asking how to get your ex back, perhaps first we should ask why do you want your ex back….

    Take care,

    Jeremy Ruggles recently posted..You can get your ex girlfriend back using a little trickMy Profile

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