2008 November :: You Make It Up!

Archive for November, 2008

Nov

Appreciation is SO attractive

Posted by: Mary K | Comments (1)

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It’s a couple of days after Thanksgiving here in the The States and it’s a great time for focusing on both THANKS and APPRECIATION. There is great value in such focus. In fact, I’m convinced worlds are set spinning in direct proportion to the degree of this focus.

I was reminded, while watching my five-year-old grandson on Thanksgiving Day, that appreciating thanks and being thankful for appreciating things is really fun and feels really, really good.

You see, one of the things he’s working on in school, is “making conversation by asking questions and listening to answers” (he’s very serious about that too ) So, on Thanksgiving Day… all day long… he circled the house asking people what they were thankful about. And after every response… regardless of the response… he would say, “Do you just love that?” and everyone would agree they did.

As the afternoon went on, and the question persisted, rather than everyone tiring of the ‘game’ I noticed they started lighting up even brighter… especially in their agreement to “Just LOVING it!”… whatever it was that they were (that time) thankful about.

It was amazing… and incredibly uplifting!

It reminds me of how appreciating keeps us in harmony with our desires. Because the truth is… we desire the things we desire because we believe they do, or will, make us FEEL GOOD. And I was powerfully reminded of just how GOOD appreciation feels and how focusing on what we’re thankful for puts us in a ‘just loving it’ mood.

We attract through our thoughts and feelings so it only make sense that if we keep focusing our thoughts and feelings on things we appreciate, there won’t be any room for attracting the undesirable.

Abraham continually points out that even the most dreaded disease will vanish when we completely remove our attention from it. And that calls upon us to think of something else… focusing on aspects of our Being that are in harmony with what we want always releases us from focus upon aspects that aren’t in harmony with our desires because we can only hold one thought at a time.

And the Law of Attraction reminds us that denial is still an acknowledgment. So even when it appears there is ‘evidence’ of the unwanted… the solution is to take our attention from the negative evidence and it has to leave our experience. The physical evidence comes from our thought and feeling so it’s important to put the emphasis on thought and feeling that makes us say a loud, resounding “YES!” when someone asks us… “Do you just LOVE that?”

I sincerely, appreciate YOU,
–Mary K

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((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´* Light

EXPECT MIRACLES!

Categories : Creating

Comments (1)

Nov

Your Fearsome 4 year old

Posted by: Mary K | Comments (0)

Today I’m going out on a limb. As if talking about the fact that we make it all up doesn’t meet enough resistance, I’m going to boldly go where few dare. No, not politics or religion… PARENTING!

It’s interesting to me that there are so many different approaches to ‘parenting’… and how emotionally charged it all can be as we fall into the trap of thinking there is a “right” way to raise our children, implying there is a ‘wrong’ way that we all fear. Seems to me that simple observation easily proves otherwise. We have all heard stories about successful people who survived incredible challenges in their childhood… as well as stories of unusual tragedy despite loving, stable childhoods.

While I have the degree in Child Psychology, that only gives me a bit more trivia about the developmental process than the average person. It’s the experiences, observation and experimenting that comes from raising three sons as a single parent as well as working with young children for 25+ years that compel me to share what I’ve learned… as taught by the children and young adults in my life.

I’m aware that I have a bit of an unconventional ‘parenting’ style. I’m not so locked onto it that I feel I have any kind of “right” answers. Truly believing that we grow through conversation… and gain the most when others are willing to share their disagreement, I encourage you to leave a comment. Please, as you read my response to this young moms concern about her four year old, if you find yourself objecting to any of my comments… feel free to leave your own. Because if there’s one thing I do know… it’s that we all have more to learn!

Here’s today’s call for feedback:

I have a nearly 4 yr old little boy and he seems to be so angry towards me! I can’t seem to put my finger on what it is exactly making him so angry. I try to figure it out. He is totally defiant and was straight out telling me he hated me. He hasn’t been telling me he hates me lately as I wouldn’t accept that sort of behavior but getting to the bottom of this seems so hard. I am scared because i am 3mos pregnant w/my husbands baby (not my son’s real father). We have both been working hard to try to solve the problem but I feel I am not approaching it correctly. I want to see him happy and playful. I know life isn’t perfect and kids go through learning spells, its a part of life but this anger seems so great. He’s been this way for about….5 mos. I was previously working a job where I didnt see him a lot and was always exhausted and thought maybe that had something to do with his resentment or maybe he misses his dad but his dad has lots of emotional problems and is an explosive induvdual who can barely take care of himself let alone a little boy so I feel he is unsafe for my child. He abused me and I am afraid of exactly HOW he treats and takes care of my son. I am lost here…

As an Early Childhood Specialist let me give you some perspective by reminding you that we don’t call it

The Fearsome Four’s

for nothing. It’s the Wonderful One’s, Terrible Two’s, Terrific Threes, Fearsome Four’s and Fantastic Five’s… (are you seeing a pattern here ) so don’t take the 4 year old’s “I hate you” too personally.

That’s not to say dismiss his anger… honor him, he feels what he feels he feels. And understand that at age four… he’s getting adventurous, trying on a variety of expressions just to see what they feel like (It’s a big part of learning empathy)

Your response to his expression will have effects on how he interprets and integrates the experience… but here’s the good news and the bad news… all of this has nothing to do with you… unless you try to make it about you which is likely to bring up a lot of resistance and persistence from him. That’s a really hard thing for us (parents) to keep in our awareness. And it’s a shame because from my experience and observation… it is the common glitch in relationship with our kids regardless their age… parents get very confused and without awareness, they make everything about themselves… deluding themselves that they are doing it in the child’s ‘best interests’. (fyi… I’m not saying it should never be about you… I am saying you’ll develop a healthier relationship with your children when you’re honest and acknowledging that it’s about you when you feel it needs to be about you – for instance, when he wants to do something YOU see as ‘high risk’… you’ll try to convince yourself it’s about him and his safety… the truth is, it’s about you and your worries)

So… instead of going into a tailspin, why not give him some tools to manage his powerful emotions. Teach him how deep breaths can help him regain control of his vibration. As you learn to lovingly detach you can offer guidance and an open ear allowing him to express what he feels. When things are pleasant invite him to play a breathing game with you. Have him breath in deeply through his nose, hold it for a second or two…then breath it all out through his mouth. Point out what different parts of his body are doing while you are both doing this breathing together. i.e. is his chest rising and falling, belly going in and out. Join him in exploring whether it feels different if you’re laying down, sitting down, standing up, etc. You can have him visualize while he does the breathing. Speak to him at his level using words and images he’s likely to resonate with… i.e. if he’s a super hero fan he can ‘breathe in his super hero powers’ and ‘breathe out all the icky feelings that weaken his power’. Do this when you’re both in a good mood and enjoying one another… then when he really needs to find a way to get his body and feelings under control all you have to do is remind him.

It’s unlikely at four that he truly knows what ‘hate’ feels like. So when he tosses that phrase out at you, acknowledge that he’s feeling something big, encourage him to take a few breaths to get his body under control and then ask him to tell you more about what he’s feeling. If you can do this with love and a genuine curiosity you may be surprised, not only by how quickly he’ll learn to manage himself but also from the amazing insights you’re likely to hear coming from him.

Most of all… make and renew daily a commitment to find five reasons to adore this child. It’s a habit that will serve you both brilliantly.

Have fun!
–Mary K

¸..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´* Light

EXPECT MIRACLES!

Categories : Parenting

Comments (0)

Nov

Is it LOVE or is it LOA

Posted by: Mary K | Comments (1)

With our human tendency to complicate even the most simple things in life… LOVE has got to be high on the list. You may even be chuckling to yourself now and wondering why I don’t start with something easy. Newsflash: there is nothing easier… L O V E… it’s the stuff you’re made of…just BE.

That’s love.

Anything you feel compelled to add just complicates things.

Here’s another easy… LOA... Law of Attraction: That which is like unto itself is drawn.

A simple enough statement… until you start thinking about it, or trying to understand it.

Let’s just let it be. Let it say what it says… that which is like unto itself is drawn.

AnXiety-colored fear draws people, events, circumstances that support (and even enhance) anxiety colored fear.

RaGe-colored anger draws people, events, circumstances that support rage-colored anger.

Sad-colored fear draws people, events, circumstances that support sad-colored fear.

Satisfaction-colored happiness draws people, events, circumstances that support satisfaction-colored happiness.

Peace-colored happiness draws people, events, circumstances that support peace-colored happiness.

Joy-colored bliss draws people, events, circumstances that support joy-colored bliss…

You get my drift? This may in fact be rocket science, for all I know, but what made anyone decide rocket science was all that complicated anyway? Someone tells you that you have to have to find a way to produce enough energy to provide the thrust to overcome inertia and peoples eyes glaze over… why?!? What is up about that?!?

Because there seems to be confusion, I think it’s worth thinking about the answers to those questions.

Today, for instance, another variation of a question I hear frequently came from Elle. Asking,

“Is it possible the universe plays tricks? Why would it do this to me? I’m a good person, I just spent the past two years taking care of my brother who died young six months ago of leukemia…I was so ready for this good to come into my life, and when he showed up, it felt like everything really fell into place. I was (and still am) absolutely in love with him and was ready to build a life together. Until his recent about face, I believe he was on the same page. Is it possible to manifest him back? We had something really special, I’m so sad to see it go…it has crushed me.

after explaining that she ‘used’ the Law of Attraction and “recently was able to manifest the man who fit every single category of desire I had in a boyfriend and even some more that I didn’t know. He literally came into my life as a huge suprise (as I had made my list and then forgotten about it, or mostly) and it was an absolute delight. I felt like the universe had absolutely given me the greatest gift of my life. The only trouble is…we lived in different cities and he recently told me that he decided he could not deal with the distance and hence decided to date someone else. As a 32 year old woman who has been single for a number of years, this has come as a huge shock to me…I just felt so confident in the love we were sharing and the future we had been discussing together.”

After some conversation it became clear that Elle didn’t realize that LOA is always working… always managing things.

When it comes to the Law of Attraction explaining the dance we dance with the Universe, it seems we need to understand that the Universe is not ‘giving us the greatest gift of our life’… to think that way is to misunderstand what the Law of Attraction is about. And to misunderstand it in a way that blinds us to the power we have and the freedom that comes when we master our vibration and attract the match to our desires DELIBERATELY… ON PURPOSE… WITH AWARENESS.

It’s empowering to grasp that YOU are attracting the experiences in your life… nothing and no one is ‘giving’ you gifts… YOU are gifting yourself with all that comes your way… the experiences you enjoy as well as the ones you don’t… it all depends on YOU and YOUR ALIGNMENT.

So Elle… when you attracted this love into your experience it reflected your alignment with Source Energy and when he decided the situation wasn’t the ‘fit’ he was desiring… this contrasting experience is also a reflection of your alignment to Source Energy… in other words, your asking and allowing drew it all.

Please understand there is no ‘bad’ here… except as you decide to judge it… and the Universe doesn’t ‘play tricks’ like you are talking about… though it sure seems tricky to me the way the Universe sorts things out so that we draw to us the match to our ‘asking’.

It’s important to understand it’s not the ‘asking’ we do with our thoughts and words…

I know people get tired of hearing that it’s about the vibration… but until you understand that, you can’t use the power. This is where self-responsibility begins and a commitment to minding your vibration is required so that you can create ON PURPOSE instead of by default… and it takes practicing new habits of calling your spirit back when it wanders for you to truly claim mastery over your vibration.

It’s here that most people get either fearful or lazy and start playing the defensive game of “You just don’t understand… I KNOW that I’ve been thinking nothing but positive thoughts for two whole weeks and still all I get is crapped on….” (or something similar ) All the while refusing to dig deeper and acknowledge the possibility that you’ve been sending out mixed signals… at best.

And it’s the signals you’re sending that the Universe is responding to! You see… you say…

“I was so ready for this good to come into my life, and when he showed up, it felt like everything really fell into place.”

And I’m sure that’s so… on one level. But consider the possibility that we are multi-faceted and multi-leveled Beings. Is it possible that mixed in with the THOUGHTS of your ‘readiness’ there may be a thread of anxiety…

anxiety about it ever happening…
anxiety about it lasting…
anxiety about your worth…

or a thread of confusion or feelings of ‘efforting’ around the particulars of HOW you’re going to work things out…

or a thread of fear around what you may have to ‘give up’ in order to ‘get’ this ‘man of your dreams’
or fear of disappointment or…

All I’m saying is there are a lot of ways we can be sending out mixed signals and they are often things sitting right outside of our conscious awareness… yet sometimes the unconscious signals ARE the dominant ones.

Elle, it sounds as though you did a great job attracting a man to you that supported the feelings you want to feel in an intimate, significant relationship with a man. You now have greater clarity than EVER about the FEELINGS you desire in this kind of relationship. So now you have the chance to tighten up your alignment with that. Get the wobble out of your vibration. And don’t confuse the specific man who brought you this clearer understanding with the FEELINGS you most desire to feel and the happiness you’re asking for.

Instead, put your energy into focusing on becoming the WOMAN who is living the reality of the experience of good feelings and happiness in relationship… and from that know that the life partner that will stick is absolutely on his way! Get aligned with the LOVE that you are… BE LOVE... and your BELOVED has to be drawn… it’s LAW!